Testing the Invincibility Cloak

I learned a lot at the meeting with the MS specialist this morning, almost all of it positive and encouraging.  There were a couple unexpected things, but fortunately not of the diagnosis kind.

The first was in the middle of the meeting, I started to unravel from the stress of anticipation.  I thought about fleeing the room, or vomiting, and my hearing got a little fuzzy…and then I thought of two things 1)The band a fellow mother with babe-in-arms joked of starting, called, “Ungrateful Fuckers”, and 2)A “Community” episode where Abed puts together a joke commercial about Jeff’s new law office.


So, I brought myself back from the brink with crassness and potty humor, yes.

I also was struck by something the neurologist said.  It is still a “flip of the coin” that this could turn into full-blown MS.  The things in my favor are the absence of oligoclonal bands in my CSF, and the lack of any other events since December before last.  “The number one, most important thing you can do is self-care.  Take your vitamin D, get strong and stay strong, live a normal life and manage your stress.  Wait—-you have kids, right?”

“Yes, they are six and four.”

“And you’re a Stay-At-Home, right?


(pause)”Okay.  Well.  Do what you can to manage stress, then.  Higher stress calls for your very best effort at dealing with it well–as you go along don’t let it build up.”

Got that?  That my neurologist thinks being a stay-at-home mom to young kids falls into the “higher stress” category.  So, yeah, I already knew that.  I don’t think I’ve ever had someone other than a mom currently in the weeds say it before, though.  Someone with, you know, credentials and stuff.  Validation!  Long, unexpected trip to get it, but still worth it.

I’m exhausted from all the “stress-management” I employed this week to not get worked up about the mere possibility of disease-modifying drugs until I’d heard what the neurologists and particular, the MS specialist I saw today thought.  Namely, I worked myself to the bone in bootcamp and stayed up late playing Toca Boca’s Pet Doctor.  And I sent out distress beacons to my best and toughest from the grocery store a few times.

The kids are currently clearing and setting the table (under threat) in preparation for a promised “First Day of Spring” picnic in between bouts of wrestling and ballet displays.  Stress-management at it’s finest is delegation, preferably from the sofa while catching up on “Community” episodes.  I wish you the same this spring weekend.


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